


Iwaizumi Hajime's Three Easy Steps to Absolutly Fucking Yourself Over

by Anonymous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Not roommates but in the same dorm maybe???, Threesomes, University, and having similar classes, smut will come (haha come)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 00:08:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5435861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternatively titled: How to Accidentally Turn Your Life into One of Those Romcoms That Your Mother Watches </p><p>(a story in which, while giving relationship advice to Ushijima on how to sweep Oikawa off his feet, Iwaizumi finds himself pile driven right over in the process.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Iwaizumi Hajime's Three Easy Steps to Absolutly Fucking Yourself Over

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Samsara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samsara/gifts).



> i have to say, writing iwaizumi's point of view is rather fun, and i hope i got him right for you ; u ;
> 
> please enjoy, and happy holidays!

Contrary to popular belief, Iwaizumi Hajime did not have a short fuse. He didn't have many things that actively irritated him, nor did he have many things that made him angry. Of course, just because the list was _short_ did not mean that it was impossible to aggravate him to absolutely no end.

It just meant that whoever managed to do it was either _really_ good at figuring out what got on people's nerves (Oikawa Tooru) or they had no idea they were doing it in the first place (Ushijima Wakatoshi).

In Oikawa's case, absolutely nothing had changed since high school. Or middle school. Or when they were children. Oikawa was his absolute best friend in the entire world, he wouldn't doubt for a moment, but the guy was also one of the smartest people in the entire world. Or perceptive. Maybe perceptive was a better word. Either way, it was a personality trait that Iwaizumi had, over the years, gotten extremely used to. Yeah, he still wanted to slap Oikawa 84.234% of the times he's near him, but it only rarely has any actual.... malice behind it.

(Okay, so it _never_ has malice behind it. Ever. But Iwaizumi would never admit that out loud. Hell, he barely wants to admit it to _himself._ )

However, Ushijima was the opposite of Oikawa. Iwaizumi was definitely not friends with him, Ushijima had the perceptive talent of a 6 year old puppy, and the tall man wore a frown so often that it seemed to be tattooed to him. The only similarity is that Iwaizumi has also known him since they were children, and he also get _scary_ when he is in a mode where volleyball was the only thing on his mind.

.....Which was the mode Iwaizumi had seen him the most in.

.....Which was why, when Iwaizumi started seeing him on the regular in university, outside of that volleyball setting, it felt fucking _weird._ It was already weird enough that they were going to the same university-- admittedly, the horrified look on Oikawa's face and the shriek of _Iwa-chan, what the hell??! Ushiwaka-chan, WHAT THE HELL?!_ had been priceless-- but the fact that they had many of the similar classes had made it worse.

Nonetheless, in being Oikawa's opposite, Ushijima's matter of getting on Iwaizumi's nerves was entirely, completely, and whole-heartedly _not_ on purpose. Ever. The large man was just _blunt._ What was even more absolute terrible was the fact that if Ushijima _did_ realise he had offended or irritated Iwaizumi, chances were that he'd apologise for it. He would apologise and fucking mean it. Might even bow his head or some shit like that.

Maybe that's what Iwaizumi found was irritating him the most. Now, he has known that Ushijima never actually means any ill-intent ever, but witnessing it up close might have taken a terrible effect on him.

(Iwaizumi once found himself accidentally admitting in his mind that Ushijima's sincerity was _endearing._ What the _fuck._ )

But Iwaizumi was not just "witnessing" Ushijima's gross honesty up close! He was witnessing it up close SEVERAL times, in many classes and continuously OUTSIDE of class! It's absolutely terrible.

This brutally sincere, 192 centimeter (why did Ushijima grow since high school but Iwaizumi fucking didn't! What the goddamn hell!) blunt young man was an absolute master at getting on Iwaizumi's last nerve, only because he, unlike the _other_ person that got on his nerves, never truly meant it.

This is why, when Ushijima asks to meet with Iwaizumi after a class, Iwaizumi finds himself saying yes before his mind can accurately understand what was even being asked of him. But! Once he realises his error, Iwaizumi is entirely too late! Way too late! Not only has he already agreed to see Ushijima at some coffee shop, but Ushijima has already begun walking away, and it would be the most assholish thing on the planet for him to suddenly scream _No!_ at Ushijima's retreating back after having already said yes.

Now, Iwaizumi was sitting through the rest of his classes with the most pissed expression his face could possibly conceive without accidentally making someone think that he was planning and/or in the process of committing a homicide.

Once again, what was worse was that he wasn't even angry at _Ushijima!_ He… actually had no fucking clue who he was angry at. All the young man knew was that he was rather pissed at the turn of events that hadn’t even really transpired yet. Hell, he didn’t even have any idea yet about what Ushijima wanted. Maybe it was help on a paper? Or homework? ….That wouldn’t really make much sense, since the both of them tended to be confused about the same stuff constantly. Then what could Ushijima _possibly_ want with him?

Iwaizumi reasoned that was what he was angry at; the fact that he had no clue at all what he should expect when it came to…. whatever Ushijima was planning to talk to him about. It could literally be anything under the goddamn sun, for all Iwaizumi knew. So, he stopped antagonizing over the thought. Instead, he focused on classes (daydreamed) and he even managed to stop by the gym for a good workout. He had one more class until he had to meet Ushijima, and he finally had stopped thinking about it long enough to feel completely relaxed.

Such a feeling, however, went away completely when he entered one of the university’s many coffee shops, sitting down in one of the booths in the far corner. Would Ushijima show up on time? Hell, would he even show _up_? Okay, okay, so he had no real reason to think Ushijima wouldn’t show up—Ushijima was one-hundred percent a man of his word (annoyingly so) and never failed to be on time for any kind of meeting.

……..But, for this meeting, he seemed to be running late. Ten minutes late, to be exact. Exactly three cups of coffee worth of late. Iwaizumi was starting to get marginally worried. Was Ushijima okay? Did something happen? Did he get lost? His questions would end up being answered with even more questions after five more minutes when Ushijima finally arrived; the young man looked like he came right from the gym, sweating lightly in shorts and a tank top.

Some of the ladies in the place were _definitely_ staring at him, and it genuinely made Iwaizumi wonder if Ushijima had any idea about how other people saw him— or if he had any knowledge of the outside world rattling in that head of his. An outside world that, quite obviously, found Ushijima very attractive. Hell, even Iwaizumi could admit that he—

“Sorry I’m late,” Ushijima was frowning as he sat on the opposite side of the booth, unbeknownst to him that he had saved Iwaizumi from having his gayest thought of the week (so far, anyway). “A professor kept me longer than expected after a class, so I had to run here.”

Iwaizumi was curious. “How far away was the class?”

“Three kilometers. That is why I didn’t arrive sooner, I planned poorly.” Iwaizumi wished he hadn’t asked. “Nonetheless, thank you for meeting me here and not leaving when I was late.” The waitress came by with a glass of water, either to give a closer look to Ushijima, or because she was proactive in her drive for great customer service. Either way, Ushijima gave her a nod and a thank you, proceeding right afterwards to drink down the entire glass.

“So, what did you need?” Iwaizumi drummed his fingers on the table, an eyebrow arched as he finally let his curiosity seep through in his words and posture. Ushijima didn’t answer right away. Instead, he took a moment to wipe his mouth with one of the napkins that the waitress had brought before speaking.

“You are very close friends with Oikawa—”

“Why are you telling me that?” Ushijima gave Iwaizumi one of his rare expressions, his I-was-not-finished-speaking-yet scowl, and breathed in.

“You are very close friends with Oikawa, _so,_ I wish to ask for some of advice regarding him.” …Huh. Definitely not what he had been expecting. That didn’t seem quite hard, after all. Maybe he worried over nothing.

Leaning back in his seat, Iwaizumi picked his cup of coffee back up before speaking again. “Well, I’ll try my fucking best. If it’s about getting him to stop calling you ‘Ushiwaka-chan,’ I’ve told you before, I don’t control his nicknames.” He took a quick sip of the coffee before setting it back down.

“I have grown…. used to the nickname at this point,” Ushijima admitted, but it seemed more like he was trying to convince himself than anyone else, “So that is not what I need advice about. It is something else.”

“….Something else?” As the other young man nodded, Iwaizumi’s frown deepened. He had a really, really bad feeling in his gut. One that kinda told him that he should just get up from his seat and leave immediately. Maybe never come back to this side of the university. Maybe pursue a completely different career path.

Ushijima, as blunt and as forward as ever, sensed nothing of Iwaizumi’s apprehension as he continued speaking. “Yes. Well, like I said before, you are very close friends with Oikawa. Because of this, I wished to ask you for advice concerning…. pursuing a relationship with him. Now, I am very aware that I do not know much abou—”

Iwaizumi felt his soul leave his entire goddamn body. “Date. You want me to give you advice on how to ask Oikawa out on a _date._ ”

“Yes,” Ushijima said, as if it were the simplest, easiest, and most transparent concept in this natural known universe.

“No,” Iwaizumi said, as if his answer actually mattered at this point.


End file.
